Easily enough, I like this one better. Right from the beginning it grabs your attention. I want more, can't wait to read more.
It seems you have created yourself another version of the Holocaust. The scary thing is, that this could all actually happen.

I must say I loved the way ever character was well designed. I loved how everything seemed so well planned out.

Just wow, is the word to sum it all up. I must say out of all of your work. This one seems to be your best, well at least for me. Everything was just so awesome.

I hope you had as much fun writing it, as I did reading it.

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"Bring me my journey book!"-Darken Rahl

I like them both, they're awesome

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Winner, Winner. Chicken Dinner. Meaning You Owe Me A Chicken Dinner. Like Now.


Dead Are Those Who Never Can Die

That's one scary story! What could I possibly say; you've done it again! Apart from the notes on the bottom of the page, and minor spelling mistakes, this is great. Well developed thoughts, well written fiction, a nice character gallery and a broad story base. I'm looking forward to see more of this. But those notes.... I understand that you need them, but it is annoying to scroll down every page to see why they are written there. Don't you think you could explain it in the text instead? And the descriptions... They are good, but I don't get a good idea of the characters that look human. Only the monsters and the Commanders are truly flesched out in theat sense.
I'd like to point out that these are only minor faults, as always when I comment on your stories. They are truly great, but these things take away from my reading experience at least.
Looking forward to see more from you! keep up the good work!

Yeah, I understand that there will always been a minor spelling mistake or a grammar typo here and there, but I didn't really think the footnotes were all that bad. I personally thought it would be a great way to bluntly explain events that happened in the past, without diverting the text too far. I thought it'd be easier to displace explanations for the bottom of the page, rather then loading down the text with a bunch of passages in parenthesis and the like.

Also, After I posted this part, I did realize how lacking in description all the human characters are. I'll try to fill in more descriptors as I go along, but hopefully the characters will stand out more based on their personalities, rather then looks alone. I believe I got a bit carried away with the commanders and the monsters simply because I can really get into them and I enjoy creating villains with unique appearances.

Thanks again for your comments.

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Witness The End Of Days. Witness Quintessence.

[link]

First off - you're very welcome, as always!
The footnotes aren't all that bad, sorry if I portrayed it that way. I jsut don't like them every other page. But it would look much much worse if you put the explanations in parenthesis, I must agree. Guess there isn't so much you can do about it. Maybe you could write it in an explanation, like a prolouge for the second page (almost like the dialouge in the first) explaining what exactly happened during the GSE. Pretend it was a page from some holy book from the Ancients the Junta hids from the general population. I dunno, it's your story.

I think they will get better as soon as you have written more about them! I love your monster design! xD But unfortunately, your person design has to suffer because of it, and that's not necessary. My Swedish teacher once gave me an advice I use to think about when I find it hard to describe, and I'd like to share it with you. ^^
Instead of writing "the man was long" you can think of how his length would affect him in his everyday life. And then start describing it: "The man had to bend when he walked in through the door, or he would hit his head on the door post. As he sat down in the chair, he dragged his knees up to the chin, feet heavily planted on the floor. It was far from comfortable sitting like that, but it was the only way he could fit himself down by the table."
Did you get a fairly good idea of how tall the man was? It works for me most of the times.

I still hope I'm not too hard on you. I cannot stress enough that these are only minor faults.

Yeah, I'm going to try my best to put in greater human details in future chapters.

As far as prologues and everything go, That's kinda what the beginning dialogue part is all about. Essentially each chapter is going to have an excerpt of text from SOMEWHERE, whether it be a holy book, an interview, a diary, etc. Each little snippet will hold some new kind of information, so no worries there.

I'm also surprised you didn't complain about spells being a different color text. They must have been subtle enough as well as easy enough on the eyes for you not to notice.

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Witness The End Of Days. Witness Quintessence.

[link]

Why complain when I like it? I hate it when people use different colours for different characters so you can see which one speaks where, but I like the way you put spells in blue. Thus, I won't complain! xD Already looking forward to the next chapter.

You made me read it all! I usually don'T read stuff on DA, but that was good! It's very well written and everything is well described. Awesome work!

--
I want to help you change your life right now --> [link] (look at the page, then ask me questions )
This one too, it's even easier than the first one! [link]

Well! I'm glad that you approve of my work. It seems to me like that's the case with a lot of people, where literature is overlooked. I'm quite pleased that you put aside a little time to take a look though. It means a lot to me.

--
Witness The End Of Days. Witness Quintessence.

[link]

I usually am too lazy to read lol
But also, there are a lot of poetry and I'm not good with it so I don't read them... but I love stories

Yours is very professional. I'm glad I took a little of my time to read it (I read it at work, don't tell anyone! )

--
I want to help you change your life right now --> [link] (look at the page, then ask me questions )
This one too, it's even easier than the first one! [link]